Super Charge Your Self Esteem

In this episode of Super Charge Sunday, our special guest Gwen McLeod, certified relationship coach and speaker, anger management, domestic violence specialist, and marriage officiant, shared with us great insights on developing and improving self esteem. As a domestic abuse survivor, she does training for those who have been subjects of abuse and assists them to overcome and lead a more productive life.

Here are some of the highlights of Gwen’s presentation emphasizing the five ways to improve your self esteem:

1. Identify the primary reason that is deflating self esteem – Sometimes it is not easy to recognize what is going on with yourself and what is causing the effect on self esteem. Some examples of what can deflate self esteem include:

• Work/life situation
• Not being able to provide for family
• Being qualified for a job but not able to get a job

2. Become aware of your thoughts and your beliefs – reverse the curse – Speak positively and realistically and believe what you are saying. Change the way you speak and see yourself, being mindful of how you feel about yourself to avoid losing objectivity. It is a process that you have to work out and realize your self talk and make up your own mind. An affirmation alone is not enough, you have to actually believe what you are saying. Acknowledge what the motivations of your beliefs might be:

• Savior syndrome – trying to save a drowning person while running the risk of drowning your self
• Anyone can be affected by the lack of self esteem from the White House to the crack house
• Self esteem can be depleted imperceptibly because it can become entangled with other emotions
• Look for support groups – Gwen hosts a Monthly Support Group for Women – We Leap Empowerment and Awareness

3. Challenging Negative or Inaccurate Thinking 

• Think about what you are thinking about – based on rational facts or false ideas?
• Slow down and think about where you are are in your life 
• Know that you are able to overcome challenges

4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs – replace with accurate thoughts

• Understand the importance of the vocabulary that you use
• Treat yourself with kindness and forgive yourself
• Feelings of unworthiness – thinking that others are ahead of you – Remember that God can do for me and more – every saint has a past and every sinner has a future
• Focus on positive things

5. Self care – look out for your wellbeing and do things that you enjoy and have fun

• Physical exercise
• Spend time with people that make you happy 
• Don’t waste time with people who don’t treat you well; don’t let them take up space in your face.
• Feed and care for your spirit – soul care

Know The Differences

In order to develop strong self esteem, it is important to know the difference between being a person with low self esteem and inflated self esteem. Also realizing that a person with both low and inflated self esteem can end up being one in the same person based on underlying insecurities. Low self esteem can be the result of being angry, bitter, jealous, and envious and can cause people to behave in a passive aggressive manner. On the other hand, someone with inflated self-esteem has a superiority complex, is arrogant, conceited, excessively proud or vain and is most likely overcompensating for a deficiency. Scripture admonishes us to “humble yourself”. It requires taking responsibility for yourself and your insecurities and knowing that you can’t change anyone else but yourself. Self esteem issues can turn people into bullies or people pleasers.

In order to find a happy medium it is necessary to develop strong positive self esteem and to recognize the difference between confidence and arrogance. When you are confident and grounded in who you are, you can go into any room and be your authentic comfortable self without fear of any kind.

Here are are some signs of strong self esteem

• Having confidence with humility
• Maximize the level where you are without apology for what you are not; e.g., if you are a rookie, embrace that
• Not afraid of feedback
• Not afraid of conflict – no doormat – not afraid of the word “No”
• Know your value and know your worth
• Set boundaries – know your place in people’s lives and voice what you need and your opinions
• Being assertive but not pushy – avoid manipulation
• Not a slave to perfection
• Don’t be afraid of setbacks – having sight vs vision – bigger picture vs tunnel vision
• Be your own authentic self – you can fit in anywhere.

Connect with Gwen’s Facebook Group Align to Love on Tuesdays at 9pm or via email at aligntolove@gmail.com For more on her Domestic Empowerment and Awareness Training visit www.WeLeap2.org

To join the LIVE conversations on Super Charge Sunday, visit my Facebook Page @EmilyTheEntrepreneur and join my Facebook Group Super Charge with Emily

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